well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I came so hard my ears popped.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
