Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
