omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
