Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
