I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
