why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
