dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
