This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
