put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Woke up backwards on a recliner
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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