I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
