goodnight i made you a song goodbye
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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