i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
