and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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