Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
