dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Say something about gay babies.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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