I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
