yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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