A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
