I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
