At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
