Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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