well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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