you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
