That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
