My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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