Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize