debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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