Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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