Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
