Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

mmm whisky

(402): View more from Nebraska

reminds me of losing my job

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(574): View more from Indiana

He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy

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(330): View more from Ohio

Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?

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(989): View more from Michigan

Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.

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(352): View more from Florida

The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.

(1-352): View more from Florida

Oh God. You're going to jail

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(239): View more from Florida

I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.

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