Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
