i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
