It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
