Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize