bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
