I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
