So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
