i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
