this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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