I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Drunk is a universal language darling
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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