i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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