shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
