I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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