My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
This beer is not sobering me up at all
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
