you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
