Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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