We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
