A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
