Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
