some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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