If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
