you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
