Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
