Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
