So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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