My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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