Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
