Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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