Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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