my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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