Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
