This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize