Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
