I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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