She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
