I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
