I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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