get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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