If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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