Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
