Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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