I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
