Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
