Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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