But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
