Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"

Fav 14 3162 988
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(352): View more from Florida

You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.

Fav 12 5371 948
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(636): View more from Missouri

Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea

Fav 57 912 10759
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(678): View more from Georgia

I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.

Fav 10 3861 1482
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(360): View more from Washington

There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.

Fav 5 1168 1517
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(512): View more from Texas

I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?

Fav 6 832 1808
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(410): View more from Maryland

My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.

Fav 12 887 3274
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(702): View more from Nevada

bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face

Fav 0 328 414
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(914): View more from New York

I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars

Fav 0 51 6
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