i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just want to make out with him forever
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
