Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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