Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
