he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
