and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
